Contact the court

The court has one clerk, and the clerk is the jester. Messages are read, but replies are slow and not guaranteed. That is not rudeness, it is arithmetic: one person, a fixed number of hours, and a inbox that does not sort itself.

That said, some messages are genuinely useful, and those are the ones that get answered first.

What makes a good message

A specific question. “Which floor for a kitchen with a dog and underfloor heating?” is answerable. “What floor should I buy?” is a request for a consultation, and the answer is a book.

The details that change the answer. Room size, what is underneath, whether there is a slab or a joist floor, who lives there, whether it is ground floor, and what you have already ruled out. Three sentences of context will get you a better answer than three paragraphs of adjectives.

A correction with a source. If something on the site is wrong, say which page and what the correct information is. Corrections are welcome and get priority, because a blog that cannot be corrected is just a louder catalogue.

A suggestion for a hot take. If there is a flooring claim you keep hearing and cannot get a straight answer about, send it. The best articles on this site started as somebody’s frustration.

What will not get a reply

• Requests to recommend a specific installer or shop in your area. The site does not have a directory and will not invent one.
• Requests for free design consultations, measured quotes or product sourcing.
• Press releases, link exchanges and guest-post offers.
• Anything asking the jester to endorse a product in exchange for payment. The answer is no, and it will stay no.

The form

The form below sends to a placeholder endpoint. It has a honeypot field, which is a hidden input that humans do not fill in and bots do. If the honeypot is filled, the message is discarded.

Because the endpoint is not yet wired to a mailbox, treat the form as a demonstration of the intended flow rather than a guaranteed delivery channel. When a real address is supplied, it will be published here and the form will be connected to it. Until then, nothing you type is stored or sent anywhere.

A note on advice

Everything on this site is general opinion, not a specification for your house. A floor that works in a dry, quiet spare room can fail in a humid kitchen with a dog door. If a message asks “will this work in my room”, the honest answer always starts with “it depends on the subfloor”, and that is a question for someone standing in the room.

Use the writing to ask better questions. Then ask them of a local professional who can look at the floor you actually have.